I did not talk to anybody on this, probably because I was introvert by nature (especially when I was younger), and continued to feel very scared, hopeless, not knowing what to do. I remembered that this went on and on for quite sometime: Woke up in the middle of the night with cold sweat, and pondered what is the purpose of life, why am I being born at the first place, while at the same time, all the things and people that are deemed important to us, would disappear sooner or later.
One and half decade has passed since that time. If you were to ask me the same question, what is the purpose of life? What's the meaning of life? Why are we being born? I probably will be able to give all sorts of answers, probably starting from Buddhist point of view, from humanistic point of view, etc etc. However deep down, I am still unsure as I am still searching for THE answer. True enough, I have experienced much more things in life compared to 15 years ago. I faced with more problems in life. I experienced deaths of my love ones. I saw greed, hatred, and delusion popping out from my own mind. I saw expressions of greed, hatred and delusion in the inhabitants of the world, but yet, when I was alone, and started to think more deeply, I have to be very frank with myself, that I have not found the answer yet, and I am not even sure whether I am closer to the answer that I am looking for compared to 15 years ago, when I was still a teenager, knowing for the first time that I would die one day.
Sometimes life is really very very strange. I desired a lot of things, and because of those desire, I became attached with a lot of things. Through this desire, it has brought some suffering in me, especially when I failed to get what I want, or the thing that I love went away.
I hated quite a few things too. There are certain practices that I would not be able to accept. There are certain characters in people that I don't like. There are certain situations that I hate to be with. All these things too, contributed to my unhappiness, especially when those things refused to go away.
But yet, when I am alone and contemplate on the impermanence of all things, I will have to agree that those things are not important, my like, my dislike are not important, since I, and all human beings will die one day, just a matter of time. So what's the point of chasing all the things that are just transient? Getting angry with people, or conditions while those things are also just transient?
But then, after reflecting on these things. I still continued to have likes, and dislikes, and unable to be free from those likes and dislikes. It is funny, isn't it?
People who tend to think like me (I wonder whether are there a lot out there), probably will search for the answer in the religion. But have religions really provided the answers to these questions?
If I looked at Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam), the answer seems to be that if one has complete faith to the God (or messengers of God), the conclusion that I got (well, it's obvious that I don't subscribe to this, and therefore pardon me for being too prejudice) seems to be that it offers an easy way out, and comfort to people. As long as one believe, there is no worry, because the kingdom of heaven will be waiting for the people who have faith. The kingdom of heaven is an ETERNAL place, with only happiness. It's very comforting isn't it?
But with Buddhism, thing is very different. Buddhism (and many Indian religions, such as Hinduism, Jainism, etc) believe in the concept of karma, and rebirth. To many people, probably this provides comfort as well, especially to people who are afraid and not able to accept the fact that they will die one day. Don't worry, there will be life after death. And this rebirth will be endless.
However, there is more to it. The purpose of being a Buddhist is not only to get better rebirth, but as oppose to it, the final goal of being Buddhist is to be enlightened, in other words, to be free from cycle of birth and death - to end rebirth once and for all! How comforting is that? I think it is not, as until today, I am still quite skeptical how many lay Buddhists really put enlightenment as their final goals (as opposed to getting better rebirth).
How about you? Have you found the purpose of your own life?
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